The Modern Divide
The forces of nature…or society, at least, seem to pit masculinity and femininity at odds with one another. If one looks around it isn’t far from your doorstep. Much of what we hear in casual conversation, as well as social media and television, is that modern men and women are not only at odds with one another but are in a frequent state of “cold war.”
Cold War (adj.) definition: a state of intense political and military rivalry between two opposing powers or blocs, marked by the threat of conflict but without direct warfare.
The above is a general but concise definition of what it meant in the 80’s, and it reflects a bit too accurately on the current state of affairs between the sexes.
The best example of this I can think of is the current rate of success in marriages in the United States. Why marriage? It is directly representative of the union of the masculine and feminine in a committed lifelong relationship. A partnership. And an important one, at that. The partner you choose to marry tends to have a profound impact on your individual growth and success, as well as your impact on theirs. This person is also your dance partner, your confidant, sometimes your business partner, and quite literally your everyday person. And despite being in each other’s faces for endless hours and years, there is still a considerable gap of understanding between masculine and feminine. Or is it just the effort to understand isn’t being applied?
Evidently, we each have spent centuries trying to figure out the other. And it isn’t just on-site observation; there is a ton of available data regarding failure and success of marriages in specific ways…and on, and on, and on we can go. But this article is not intended for marriage solutions and certified therapeutic advice that will magically fix your relationship with your special someone, largely because I am not certified. At least, not in marriage counseling. The intention is to bring awareness to the ever-present, ongoing battle between the masculine and feminine. And for what? Well, I believe it comes down to perspective.
Complementary…NOT Combative
Instead of combative, masculine and feminine are built to be complementary. How are we to know what up is without down? Dark without light? Right without wrong? And so it goes with masculine and feminine…though not so starkly different as to compare them so plainly to something as dramatically different as good and evil.
So, instead of seeking out what divides and creates friction, we seek out what complements and eases. Ballroom dancing enters the scene at this point, acting as the catalyst for peace treaties and therefore, golden ages in our lives! It sounds cheesy, but I have seen it happen time and time again, and it never gets old.
What Dancing Reveals
Through almost 30 years of dance instruction and coaching, I have seen couples begin dance lessons at various stages of their relationships. On one hand, there are the young, newly engaged Wedding couples who are not only getting married but are also working together on a first dance. Quite frankly, it’s a nice way to start things off. On the other hand, are the veterans. The veterans have usually been married for at least 7 years, and they now know each other…mostly. I only say this because they usually have never danced together, and when you start taking dance lessons together, you truly are beginning a new aspect of the relationship that did not exist before. Therefore, you are getting to know one another in a new way. It sounds exciting when you think about it, especially for the veterans. For each couple, the young and the old, the result is the same. Reinforcement. Strengthening. Fun. Laughter.
Success for a ballroom dance couple does not lie in the perfecting of dance steps but rather in building something together that lasts. This only happens because ballroom dancing together demands the cooperation of masculine and feminine energies to produce something beautiful and quite unique. These days, it is one of the last bastions of such cooperation.
Chivalry on the Dance Floor
Within ballroom dance etiquette lies a world of thoughtful leading and graceful following, though many would demean this to something more rudimentary and chauvinistic. The gentlemen lead on the crowded dance floor for one reason only; chivalry. Some who are now reading this have no idea what chivalry is, or how it died. But that is for another article.
When a gentleman led a lady to the dance floor for the first time, it was his one chance to make a first, and lasting impression. It was incumbent upon the gentleman to keep the lady safe on the crowded dance floor. He was not to allow her to be stepped on or bumped into by others. Collision free and easy maneuvering through the crowd was required, lest the gentleman leave the party early…and alone.
A Timeless Cooperation
A classic theme, it seems, yes? The very mention of the Foxtrot usually evokes images in black and white of Fred & Ginger (just look them up), and musical standards come to mind from Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin. And yes, it is a classic theme and image, but there is something timeless that was almost lost to time, change and cultural evolution as a statistic. A near casualty with a reflection pool and a marble headstone to mark its last breath. This, of course, is the symbiotic relationship between masculine and feminine.
Symbiotic (adj.) corresponding noun: symbiosis. definition: characterized by symbiosis, a close, long-term, inter-dependent or cooperative relationship where the parties involved rely on one another for mutual benefit.
Ballroom dancing brings these two worlds together, classic or contemporary, in a complementary manner. There are not a lot of words, but there is music. There are only the music and your partner. Your teammate. Your eternal complement.
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